MyPUAJourney Forum

Maybe this doesn't matter to anyone, but in case it does, what's a classy way to turn down an unattractive woman who messages you on a dating site, (such as Plenty of Fish, et. al.) ?

My goal is to turn her down without pissing her off/alienating her, so there's still the possibility of entering her social circle to meet potentially attractive friends.

Ignoring is flakey and doesn't sit well with me.

Another I tried is , "hey, you seem awesome, but I just got with someone recently, and forgot to change my status." I got a bitchy reaction to that -I think they see through it, and it makes you look bad.

So far, the best I've come up with is something like, "you seem awesome , but I just don't see a connection between us, but I know you'll find what you want, bla bla."

Well, hope that wasn't a waste of anyone's time, and looking forward to hearing how others handle that.

Hey man, welcome

You're exactly right with the judgements so far. Don't ignore. People can tell when you've read the messages and I'm sure you too have sent some out there and sat and waited for people to reply. Also yeah, avoiding obvious turn downs like that. Even in a nice way as you put it, it's still a turn down.

Best advice is just be friendly. 'Friendly to be a friend' is what you should think. Don't drop in any flirty suggestions or anything you've picked up from having game. Be social but avoid doing things like touching her in a kino way and even keep complimenting down to a level where it's at the polite end of the scale rather than sexual

She's probably ugly as hell but if you want to use her to get in with her friends, just be accomodating but not charming. Be funny so she'll want to be you, but don't make yourself appealing to her. Save your attractive personality for her friends

Agree with faint. Just because you met her on a dating site doesn't mean you have to date her. Don't turn her down. Go meet her someplace trivial - like a coffee shop, and hang out for a while. Who knows, she may surprise you, in which case, you win. if not, still meet up, follow faints advice, be funny, but non sexual, don't make any advances, and make her a friend. You win that way too.

It all boils back to reframing. If you view any interaction with her as a "date" then it will be, but if you just view it as getting to know her, then your ultimate decision is that much easier. if she presses and tries to kiss you, or kino you, then just be straight with her. "Hey, I barely know you, let's be friends before we become anything else." Think what a girl might have told you in your afc days.

Thanks for the great input, everyone

qixsilver wrote:Agree with faint. Just because you met her on a dating site doesn't mean you have to date her. Don't turn her down. Go meet her someplace trivial - like a coffee shop, and hang out for a while.

Great advice, in principle--I'm just wondering what everyone would do *in practice* in the case of 40+ divorced uglies. Not that I don't respect all women, (yes, even old, and/or ugly ones) but would you be concerned about your value being lowered by being seen out in public with someone like that, and would you still follow your own advice when it comes to such women? God , I get so many of those , it's not funny, lol.

qixsilver wrote:Think what a girl might have told you in your afc days.

Ongoing, but point well taken. : )

I never did internet dating, so i dont have any experience.

What i would say is too be honest. IF you dont want to go out with her, tell her. Dont need to be rude or disrespectful. Just say you are not my type.

Or you can do what most women do, just ignore her. They do this when they dont answer their calls etc.

Or you can go down the AFC route, and be super needy and approval seeking. So she gets sick of you. Like emailing her all the time. Telling her you love her. All in a serious manner. etc etc.

These work with women you are trying to break up with in relationships.

contact disturbed wrote:Great advice, in principle--I'm just wondering what everyone would do *in practice* in the case of 40+ divorced uglies. Not that I don't respect all women, (yes, even old, and/or ugly ones) but would you be concerned about your value being lowered by being seen out in public with someone like that, and would you still follow your own advice when it comes to such women? God , I get so many of those , it's not funny, lol.

I don't think you lose value by hanging out with ANY woman. It's one thing if she's hanging all over you, but if you're clearly not showing that there's a connection between the two of you, how would a casual observer know you weren't just out for coffee with your unfortunate sister?

If you're getting a ton of Divorceé's responding to your online profile, then maybe you should re-write your profile? lol!

I'm in Cannibus' boat though, I don't do online dating, it's a bit random for me, the only control you have is over the women you accept, not the women you approach - hence this discussion.