MyPUAJourney Forum

Yo guys this sort of relates back to my thread about becoming good that I just wrote...

Essentially, I have noticed something. I no longer get those luvy-dovey one-itis feelings about girls anymore. I have accepted the truth that there are thousands of girls in my area, and I can easily replace any girl I am currently with by just going out and sarging again. While this is somewhat liberating in one respect, it's also sort of depressing because I miss those feelings.

It's like girls are just Burger King franchises to me now, if I don't like one and I can just drive down the street and get another one.

For those of you who are good, do you ever get those warm fuzzy feelings back again? You know, like back in middle school when you had a crush on that girl in class.

It's almost like by undertaking this pua journey I gained a much wider skill set, but perhaps at the same time I destroyed my ability to emotionally connect with women since I view them as expendable.

you're in control of the frame... if you see these girls as expendable, well they are.

But if you see each relationship as an opportunity to meet someone you want to spend all your time with, and who'm you want to work through the good and the bad with...
well that'll make you like them a whole lot more, might not be soo good for your game, but I trust your good enough, that this is the next step... the next challenge for you; On this path of personal growth that you've chosen to walk down.

Its one of those things, like how love is a verb an action, not a state, or how any good marriage has lots of work put into it.
If your not willing to commit and allow yourself to be vulnerable, and open to the possibility of hurt, but also of great success, then well, you'll continue on unfeeling and drowning in sex...
Nothing wrong with that.

also remember, when your single... you want a relationship, and vice versa, employed, wish you could quit, unemployed wish you could find a job. So we're always chasing what we don't have you just need to decide that what you want is what you've got (whoever that lucky girl is) and work at it, and i'm sure after a bit of work, those feelings will come back.

I actually made a post like this a little while ago because I share those same feelings. I didn't know if I could be in a monogamous relationship with one girl because I know I could always go out and find someone better. I have however come to remedy it. I've learned what I am looking for essentuially is (if you wanna call it a relationship, which I think it is) to be with a bi-sexual girl who is as much into other girls and threesomes as I am...where we could share girls and each occasionally have the odd ons (Only girls for her though, no guys). That way I get the intimacy, etc with her...but I don't have to live in one hole forever. It's really the only situation I will allow myself into relationship wise...I mean how fun would it be to sarge with your girl hehe

first off, ShaMaN made some great points in his post. no need in me repeating them.

either way, you do indeed get those fuzzy feelings back. at least i do. it's all about knowing all you want in a girl. when you find that girl and she's a challenge then you're off to a good start. from there (for me at least) it's all getting into some deep comfort and attraction building. i'm a classic romantic and i love it when i find a girl who posses the qualities i seek and we lock eyes and we're less then three inches away from each other and we start speaking slowly and each person is saying only about 5 words each back and forth (classic signs of serious attraction btw), then it's in moments like that where you've got to stop the whole nonsense about how girls are expendable and you could replace her.

yes it's true you can, but you shouldn't worry yourself with that until you're ready to move on. that mentality will kill any passion. plus if you're truly finding girls that meet all the qualities you want, why you bother thinking how easily you can replace her. you should be concerning yourself with how much fun you can have and try to maintain the tension/attraction/romance/etc. only when i'm ready to move on do i remind myself i can replace the girl easily. otherwise i let myself enjoy the ride and absorb the great feelings that follow.

but then again i'm old school in my views of love.

Yeah guys I agree that my frame is likely causing me to think of the girls as replaceable. I had not considered before this thread perhaps having multiple frames, ie having my replaceable frame early on and then maybe later switching to a feeling/emotional frame.

The issue is, it took me months to develop this frame where I don't care what girls think and I don't supplicate to them (and that very frame is most likely the cause of my success), so now creating a new frame is going to be somewhat difficult for me.

I will definitely give it a shot though.

I am a big one for standards, i have mentioned a lot. I believe that christopher walken is true, to have that mentality is right, especially when you get rejected or there is a break up in the relationship, it is good to focus on plenty of fish in the sea. I also believe this is a good think to help you become emotionallly unreactive. it also helps you not to get too attached too soon i.e. get in r/s too quick with out knowing her.

A big aspect of AFCness, is that guys "fall in love too quick". I dont believe they fall in love at all, mayb they are attracted or in lust with her, and they invest to much in her. for example, they think about her too much, spend a lot of time with her, etc. And we all know, "the more your invest or value you something the more we want it and are attracted to it", and another saying, "the more attainably challenging something is the more we want it"

Now having standards of what you want is great in your search. but there are tons of problems, like being too picky and not approaching. I have a set standards that i want from a girl and a relationship with a girl, yet i only loook at these when am interacting with a girl, i.e. talking to her and observing her when together.

The standard i set for approaching is whether i feel attracted to her, this happens in an instant. it is yes or no. There is a problem with this, too many attractive girls out there, dont have time to talk to all of them. So i make quick judgements on their situations (alone, doing something which can be interrupted, day time), age (over 21), wedding ring. IF at night, in a social place, am just social with everyone. During the first few dates, i may find out about her, but the chances are low as i will be seeing whether we get on, have fun, enjoy the company. this in itself is a standard too. i just dont go too deep at the begiinning, i just let it flow and over time i will find out more about her.

Going back to standards, i believe the thing to do is have the power to "walk away". Basically, following through on things. Not take her shit. Giving her a choice to follow you. For example, she cheats on you, and you both know that you are exclusive with each other. You tell her in a calm and controlled way and straight to the point the reason why, then you walk away, tell her you dont want to see her again. well that's what i do, why would you be with a women who has no loyalty or someone you cant trust.

For other things that are small and correctable, like lateness or some bad behaviour, if it is reccurring you give her a choice to stop it, if she doesnt, you walk away and tell her not to contact you until she understands not to act like this as you dont llike it for what ever reason. then you walk away and dont contact her, while you go out with other girls. if she wants you back then so be it. i always have another number to call. IF she contacts you and you get back together, yet she still acts this way, you leave her and move on, you dont want to be her teacher and change her. there are other women who will meet your criteria.

I am not the guy who will change who she is, only she can do this, that is why i give her a choice. Now things like personality or values or beliefs. These you cant change, and theese things you find out through talking and observing her. IF they dont match, then you split amicably, you can still be friends if the differences are not to big or important for you (i.e. you want a vegan or bisecxual is small difference, but neccessary thus not affecting a friednship after break up; where as if she is like anti god and you are pro god, then that might be a big difference on a one point but you a neccassary one that it will affect any friend ship).

Althought sometimes, the differences dont really mattter that much, thus you realise that your standards do change after going out with different people, and they become more concrete.

Damm too long. but thats me.

This is a pretty big problem imo. I think it's easy to blame this on frames, but I think it's a larger issue. There are two issues here that I think are being mashed into one. there's pickup - which I think we're all spot on in our thinking - avoiding supplication, not caring about things like rejection etc. etc., but the second issue is Longer term relationships. I think their needs to be a cutoff point in our minds along the time of a day 4 or 5 (or so) where we disengage with the "rules of pickup" mentality and we start caring.

In simpler terms, I believe those "warm and fuzzy feelings" are a result of being invested in a relationship, they're associated with the uncertainties that an afc feels regarding a woman and how she will respond to him based on his actions, but they're amplified by the level of ionvestment the average afc puts into any sort of relationship he's involved in. We as pua's need to realize that and if we want to enjoy what we study so hard to be able to do (pickup women) then we need to begin to allow ourselves to get involved in the relationship.

Think of it this way, yes, we can ALWAYS replace anyone in our lives, maybe with someone better, but we can NEVER replace he intangible qualities a woman may posess in combination. It sounds to me like you're overly objectifying women if you can think to yourself "I can always replace her" (not just you CW - anyone reading this who can relate). There's a lot more to a woman than just the physicalities we seek, and when you add in the dimensionality of a relationship, you honestly can't replace that.

That's in NO WAY A SLAM on anyone who can relate to what CW points out, it's rather a caution. PU Artistry teaches us to distance ourselves from the situation by not caring and taking a dominant frame, and that's what let's us be so good with women, but once your goal is accomplished and you've successfully picked up the woman, it's important to be able to allow yourself to get close through comfort and emotional investment so that you can experience those "warm and fuzzy's" - after all, if you've selected a woman to enhance your life, you should allow yourself to let her enhance your life in all aspects.

Hope that helps! Pardon any typos, this is being written from my craptastic laptop!

Thanks for your response Qixsilver, I read it multiple times over the last few weeks, and I think you are especially right about the part where each girl is unique in some way.

My situation has changed drastically over the last three weeks... it's something that I haven't experienced before. There's actually two girls now that I sort of "like" and who are into me as well. These are two very cute, intelligent, and nice girls (one I picked up at a Starbucks and one from online). Either girl I could likely date/be in a relationship with for quite a while. The thing is, even throughout this entire pickup thing, I still have always had a conscience and the way things are going, I have a feeling I will have to let one of these girls down by letting her go. I know some of you guys are ultra-studs, but I still prefer only having one relationship at a time.

And the thing is, knowing that I will likely have to let one of them go, makes it harder to kino escalate since that would only be getting their hopes up further.

Also, my wing wants to go out sarging some more this weekend, but I am not sure I can mentally do it when I know that I already have two very compatible girls interested in me now.

This has really changed my whole paradigm, but I know it's part of a larger process and in the end it will make me a better person.