MyPUAJourney Forum

First I need to start with an advisory statement. I understand what I'm about to express can be viewed as incredibly egotistical, and the average man would read this and think it was completely nuts and accuse one of bragging. But what I'm about to talk about is all 100% true.

I don't claim to be an amazing "Pickup Artist." Hell, I don't even claim to be labeled a "Pickup Artist!" But what ever I have learned has been so integrated into my personality, women find me insanely attractive. It's to a point now where it has begun to actually bother me, and cause me to lose a lot of the sexual drive I once had.

I don't know if ANY of you can relate, I realize I am a very weird, and different individual, but I embrace my weirdness. For me when a girl is ALWAYS initiating sex, or wanting to have sex, or bugging me for sex (from the first day I meet her) well for me, I find this incredibly unattractive! Flattering - of course, very. But attractive? No. In fact it does the complete opposite to me and my sex drive! I'm the type of individual who gets excited when someone says NO to me. That No means there is a challenge involved. It means there's a chance I might fail and not get anything at all. That RISK turns me on incredibly and makes me a very sexual creature. However you take that exact risk away - and I feel completely unnatracted to even the most GORGEOUS girl. I have had friends call girls I've been with total knock outs, a 10/10. And I will have turned said girl down for the exact reasons expressed above.

How can this even be considered a problem you might ask, most guys would LOVE to have girls throw them selves at him. And to be clear, since it's so incredibly flattering I do enjoy it, it's not that I don't. But it's not helping me want to fuck these girls. I just received a text from a girl telling me she is convinced I don't find her attractive, since she always escalates, and 75% of the time I don't comply all the way to sex. Last night while she was giving me head, I started to go soft in her mouth, so I told her to stop. I was actually really burnt out and tired, and I just wanted to sleep. I wasn't in the mood for sex or head, or what ever at that current time.

Of course the next text was her telling me how she will NEVER initiate again, and we just "won't" have sex anymore. I texted her back, which was I suppose a "perfect" response since now I know women almost "too" well, and she responds by saying how stupid she feels, and how she wishes she never said ANYTHING, and how she wants me to forget she even brought it up.

Fantastic! So she's scared that she just lost me, that's what that means.

Again, why am I complaining about this - this that most men dream of - Because I'm NOT most men. And I get a hunch some of you out there might be just like me. Some of you might crave the hunt, and crave a girl who tells us NO. Well if you are, then when you get to this level the game has only JUST begun. Because now the only women I find extremely hot, are the ones that tell me they are not attracted to me, and don't want anything to do with me. I need a challenge to feel like I earned the woman I got. I need the excitement that comes from the risk. And at this level the majority of women don't pose much of a challenge, or offer any excitement/risk.

If any of you feel the same way, or are at a similar level with how women respond to them as I am, please let me know. It'd be great to feel like I wasn't alone with this one.

- Jack Coxwell

You're not alone Jack. The thrill is in the seeking.

I think it's psychological. In the world of relationships, we're supposed to be the initiator. We're the alphas, as such, this happens on our terms. Even society throws this label at us just for being men. We're supposed to be the one's pursuing and initiating, so when it's the other way around, it feels off.

I think it's further compounded by the fact that because of the above expectations/desires from ourselves and society, when a girl is always texting, and always initiating, it begins to feel disingeuous. I begin to wonder "Is this really what you want? or are you doing this out of some sense of trying to please me so I won't leave you?" It starts to feel almost manipulative on her part. I think at this level, when that happens, (at least for me) it can almost make me begin to feel guilty for making her feel this way.

It's one reason Im a proponent of Committed LTR's. At that point, I feel I'm giving equally of what I know the woman wants, while at the same time, I'm confident that she's not just behaving in an effort to please/manipulate me into getting me into an LTR.

It's complex, and I'm not sure I'm doing a good job of explaining myself, but I understand the feeling you mean.

i'm not gonna sit here and try to convince everyone that i have a similar problem, because i don't. there have been lots times where i've had girls (typically 7s and 8s) come up to me in clubs trying to initiate conversation, get me to dance, etc., that i've never found any interest in even talking to, but i've never had a issue with girls constantly and excessively trying to initiate sex.

either way i think we all deep down want a challenge and we want the things in life we can't have (or at least we can't have at that particular moment). the way i see it is like this: before i learned about the game, getting any girl was a challenge to me. That challenge is what drove me to improve and is how i found this community. i view my whole life as one constant progression toward success, whatever that success and in whatever field that may be. challenges are the means in which we recognize the areas we need improving. i've gotten to the point where i desire a challenge because that gives me something to work at. i'm not a fan of charity/hand outs. i've never been the type of person to ask others for advice or help (apart from learning game from strangers). i've always been the type who enjoys trying to conquer a problem on my own.

i think it's the same thing with girls. i want to work toward something, not have it given to me. there's no appeal in a situation like that. really if you think about it, this is no different from what we've learned to use against women. being a challenge causes people to work for something and working for something requires that you invest your time and effort. one way to make girls attracted to us is to make them invest into the relationship and work for it. humans value time and effort. the value we give to other humans (especially hot ones of the opposite sex) translates easily to attraction.

think of this crappy example: say you start to work over time and save up money by not spending it on extras like you normally do. lets say you've saved up a spare $500 after all your effort. more than likely us either save this money or buy yourself something nice with it. now lets say you buy a lottery ticket and win $500 bucks. well you did nothing to win that really, so you don't value it. people don't actually value money like some think, we value the investment of time and effort we made to get the money. so if you win $500 you'd probably just waste it in one day by buying crap you don't need, eating a fancy steak dinner and partying with your friends. it's the same amount of money, but the difference is the investment of time and effort, i.e., the challenge you faced when you worked for the money.

the same thing applies if you work your ass off to buy a new car and then the next day you win that exact car for free. you don't value the one you got for free so you sell that one even if it's just as beautiful. it's the same as when you're not attracted to these gorgeous girls who aren't a challenge.

I'm sure there's a lot more to be said about this ... but this is basically the law of diminishing marginal utility in action: the "value" of something is equal to the satisfaction gotten from the last unit of it. So in other words, the more you got of something - especially if you got more than you know what to do with - the decreasingly less value each unit of it (in this case, pussy) will have to you.

I agree to some extent Contact. I think when you feel as if you can get laid whenever or however you want to, you do indeed fell less desire to obtain that. Look at married people, that's a very common occurence, and is why a lot of affairs occur - they simply wanted something they couldn't - or weren't - getting at home. The affair was attractive and exciting to them twofold, one - they were getting what they wanted, and two - They were back in 'the chase' not knowing if they were going to be able to have the person they wanted, all of this heightened by the danger of getting caught. It applies exactly to what jack and I mentioned about the chase - that's the part where you're challenged and not 100% sure that you're going to get what you're after - even if you're game is flawless, there's still the unknown, and THAT's what makes it exciting.

@ Rhetoric Great post man, and I want to add that I in no way view myself as having the problem of too many women in my life. I've just given this a lot of thought, and have certainly been in instances in my life where I did feel like I had too much of something good, so I can totally relate to the problem Jack's mentioning. I've also dated women in the past who were 'too eager to please' so I can relate to the feeling he mentions regarding disinterest when you get what you think you want. Honestly, that part of my life was cathartic and it really helped me to refocus on the things I found important in a woman and led me to redefine what I truly wanted vs. what I thought I wanted. The over-eagerness to please, becomes a strange turn-off instead of the expected turn-on/feeling of satisfaction and excitement.

I really hope Jack's post helps a lot of guys realize prior to getting to this stage how important defining what you want is. Sex is certainly a big part of any relationship, and early on in a lot of guys definitions of what they want, I think it plays a balancing role in that definition (She needs to be hot, but really into oral...). I'd challenge guys to come up with more intangible qualities that they want in a woman though too, things like - I want her to be well read, She needs to be funny, but not obnoxious... etc. These definitions will help you ensure that the women you select aren't just hot, and great in bed, but that during the downtime, you actually enjoy being around them vs. thinking 'ok, that was amazing sex, but ugh, she's talking again. I wonder if I could auto-text a cab company to come pick her up without her knowing it?'

OK, I've gotten all 'relationshipy' and feel like I'm hijacking Jack's thread! but if you're other needs are not met with women, I think you're quickly going to find that you'll feel like Jack does. Don't you agree Oprah?

lol This is the same reason you "neg"... well if thats what you do, i personally don't
but this is why you neg really hot women, because they enjoy the challenge of a chase, when its soo easy for them to get dick...
funny, maybe game works on everyone, and women and men work more similarly than many game guru's give them credit for.

jackcoxwell wrote:
Again, why am I complaining about this - this that most men dream of - Because I'm NOT most men. And I get a hunch some of you out there might be just like me. Some of you might crave the hunt, and crave a girl who tells us NO. Well if you are, then when you get to this level the game has only JUST begun. Because now the only women I find extremely hot, are the ones that tell me they are not attracted to me, and don't want anything to do with me. I need a challenge to feel like I earned the woman I got. I need the excitement that comes from the risk. And at this level the majority of women don't pose much of a challenge, or offer any excitement/risk.

I know you perhaps don't like taking advice from people on here and haven't necessarily asked for it, but I think that you perhaps need to take a step back and not look at this as a problem but a progression in your game. If it were me with this 'high quality' issue my answer would be that you need to perhaps sit down and re-evaluate where you are at, what your goals are and maybe set some new goals. As any guy can relate to its like a video game..You've gone through all the levels and once you get to the end and finish the game there is no longer any more to complete..Therefor that game becomes less fun and you have to either go out and buy another game or find hidden levels to complete. Having said this my question to you would be firstly have you exhausted every challenge there is e.g, regularly bagging threesome's. And have you not found the girl that you perhaps want for keeps? It is my understanding that once you find a girl that you wish to spend the rest of your days with that it simply becomes more than just a sexual relationship and its importance reduces tenfold.