MyPUAJourney Forum

I am so glad I found this forum. Girls are so damn mysterious and weird, and I wish I knew what to say and do past a point. I'm 27 and although I've had a few sparse girlfriends on long term relationships, I've never been fucked. I'm a goddamn 27 year old virgin. I'm the real-life version of Steve Carrell in that humiliating movie! I don't go out and hit on girls. I'm into comic books and movies instead of real life! I didn't realize until recently how lame that all was / is. Instead of building comfort with girls, all I do is play the freakin guitar and have them blah blah about their lives... which is cool at first but then totally gay / awful as time passes. I've been so stupidly religious / "traditional" that I wanted to wait for the "right one" and not fuck some random chick just for the fun. Well, the right one came and left because she wanted "everything" and apparently I had "something" but not everything. Lmao. Fuck. Well, approach anxiety isn't as big an issue as it maybe should be. I don't have a great body (just recently started working on it, maybe 1 week ago!) but I'm cool with getting rejected because it entertains me in some odd way and most girls are pretty nice. The REAL problem is comfort and the successive stages. That shit is Calculus and if Calculus is easy for you, fuck you, think of a subject you can't handle like Trig! I'd pretty much given up on the whole getting a girl thing but then I had a type of Cancer called Hodgkins Lymphoma. So after beating that maybe 8 months ago I decided fuck Law School, I want to spend my life doing only things that deeply satisfy me. I am now working on an MA in Psychology (hell yeah, I graduate this summer!) and I learned a bunch of guitar. But Psychology and guitar basically consumed my life the last 8 months. Now I've added Body Building to the equation 1 week ago. But what I REALLY want most of all is an emotional connection with a pretty girl who is wired to love me beyond all measure. That hasn't happened, and I'm sick of waiting around hoping it will all materialize out of thin air! Before, I talked myself out of doing PUA because it all seemed so artificial. But at this point, I am ready for the change.

Welcome aboard! Best advice I can give you is to get out there and start talking to everyone. It doesn't matter if its some old fart at the bus stop or the cute chick working at Starbucks. Make friends with everyone and eventually you'll succeed with women.

great suggestion Mr.Rogers! That's definitely a great way to get started with this. Transforming yourself into someone who's extremely social is achieved easily by pushing yourself to talk to strangers. It could even be as simple as having random conversations with a woman who's serving you coffee at Starbucks. Just make a conscious effort to TALK to strangers.

And dude, sounds like you're already heading in a great direction! You're going for things that you want and make you happy, that's pretty awesome. I admire someone who takes charge. A lot of people spend their whole lives saying "I'll do it tomorrow," You don't strike me as one of those people.

Lol, this is bad ass. You can talk to Jack freaking Coxwell! And who's Mr. Rogers, Scott? This is nuts.

Jack, you seemed to build comfort with those 2 girls who at first didn't want your number but then changed their minds after the initial rejection. Were you using a particular set of principles to build that comfort? Props on the approach. Those girls were cute as fuck, even the one you weren't all that into (why weren't you all that into her, BTW, she was really pretty... was she wearing Man Repellent?). It all seemed so effortless, making those girls put down their guard. Give me some comfort tips, man.

Mr. Rogers (Scott?), you make a great point about making friends with everyone. I love making new friends, guys or girls. But the fact is guys are easier to be friends with. We know what to talk about at the comfort stage, like sports or hot women. What's confusing is when girls get to that point. In my head I'm going, what the fuck is interesting to this chick. Lip liner? The new fall fashions? I don't know shit about that. In my past relationships I didn't even know there WAS a comfort stage so I was just doing whatever the fuck I pleased, with disasterous results (sparse, long term, occasionally long distance, relationships). What the hell should I read that will significantly upgrade my comfort game?

Lol I was at a point where it was easier for me to make girl friends then guys (And yeah I'm dead on straight). Anyway where in Cali are you from? I'm going to LA not next weekend, but the weekend after (for just 1 day...) but anyway, I'd like to help out

I agree with Jack. You seem pretty well grounded man. From reading your post, I'm surprised that you say comfort is an issue for you? In my mind, comfort is just sharing who you really are with a woman - once you've gained attraction. Attraction first is what keeps you out of the friend zone. I've had it happen out of order from time to time (girls who were just friends becoming more) but it's not as common as attract>comfort>girlfriend/seduce/whatever your goal is.

If you're attracting the girl, and she's gaining comfort because you're being as real with her as you were with us here, I'd ask if you're escalating? If you have a girl who likes you and is attracted, but you're not showing her physical signs of escalation (hand holding leading to hugs and kisses leading to making out to wherever else you want to take it) then she'll presume that she may have stumbled into the friend zone, and lose interest in search of what she perceives as maybe a more viable option.

One final thought for you, It sounds like you're confusing what comfort is. It's not you talking about the things you think she's into, it's you opening up and sharing with her what you're into. In your case, maybe it is comic books and movies. If framed properly, those things can be interesting to women. I won't digress into specifics, but comfort is being yourself and not being afraid to let a woman into your world. Of course you want to make that world as appealing as possible, but if it's not your world, then you wont establish comfort. Leave the lip liner to her, and share your experiences with her. If you've already gained attraction, then you'll be well on your way to not only picking up a woman you like, but ensuring that it's built on something real.

Yes talking about what YOU think is interesting.. is in fact most of the time interesting to others. If you BELEIVE in what you're saying and you're really excited about that it radiates that to others.

Now about the commic book thing, I've tried opening to girls one night by saying "Hi do you also still play with lego? I got this REALLY cool new lego set blablabla". It didn't work and only got me weird looks... i was just having fun and I was really drunk, that didn't really help me either lol. And no I don't still play with lego

lego rocks, i do play with it when am with my nephews

Mr wrote:Lol I was at a point where it was easier for me to make girl friends then guys (And yeah I'm dead on straight). Anyway where in Cali are you from? I'm going to LA not next weekend, but the weekend after (for just 1 day...) but anyway, I'd like to help out

Thank you. That'd be awesome except I have some medical shit to get through the weekend after next. I'm living in Riverside at a private college where there are tons of pretty girls! Thanks to religious purposes, most of these chicks probably haven't been hit much. It's kind of a dream come true in that sense.

Mr wrote:Yes talking about what YOU think is interesting.. is in fact most of the time interesting to others. If you BELEIVE in what you're saying and you're really excited about that it radiates that to others.

Now about the commic book thing, I've tried opening to girls one night by saying "Hi do you also still play with lego? I got this REALLY cool new lego set blablabla". It didn't work and only got me weird looks... i was just having fun and I was really drunk, that didn't really help me either lol. And no I don't still play with lego

That's the twist. I'm not sure it is interesting. Girls start getting that glazed-eyes look when I talk about pointless crap like Superman v. Batman (Batman would SO kick Super's ass). And although my life has been packed with tons of interesting stories, I've never figured out how to tell it in an intense way that results in blow jobs. Ok, maybe not blow jobs, but a kiss here or there would be nice. I grew up being the silent kid in the classroom that everyone was sure was either a creepy serial killer, retard or Einstein-level genius misunderstood by all. Thankfully, I was not the first two, but I am bummed that I wasn't the third one either. I love your story about the legos. I also intentionally do things like that and while that attitude admittedly hasn't gotten me laid, it makes life so much fun!

qixsilver wrote:I agree with Jack. You seem pretty well grounded man. From reading your post, I'm surprised that you say comfort is an issue for you? In my mind, comfort is just sharing who you really are with a woman - once you've gained attraction. Attraction first is what keeps you out of the friend zone. I've had it happen out of order from time to time (girls who were just friends becoming more) but it's not as common as attract>comfort>girlfriend/seduce/whatever your goal is.

If you're attracting the girl, and she's gaining comfort because you're being as real with her as you were with us here, I'd ask if you're escalating? If you have a girl who likes you and is attracted, but you're not showing her physical signs of escalation (hand holding leading to hugs and kisses leading to making out to wherever else you want to take it) then she'll presume that she may have stumbled into the friend zone, and lose interest in search of what she perceives as maybe a more viable option.

One final thought for you, It sounds like you're confusing what comfort is. It's not you talking about the things you think she's into, it's you opening up and sharing with her what you're into. In your case, maybe it is comic books and movies. If framed properly, those things can be interesting to women. I won't digress into specifics, but comfort is being yourself and not being afraid to let a woman into your world. Of course you want to make that world as appealing as possible, but if it's not your world, then you wont establish comfort. Leave the lip liner to her, and share your experiences with her. If you've already gained attraction, then you'll be well on your way to not only picking up a woman you like, but ensuring that it's built on something real.

This is a brilliant post. Thank you, Silver.

If comfort really is just sharing who you are with a woman, maybe that's the real challenge-- letting go of the fear. I find that in all my past relationships I never let the other person get to know the real me. I was lost in the idea of selling the Compatible Me. I was basically a human golden retriever, everything I did, I did to please, too scared to be comfortable. So I guess THE REAL problem is that I got my girls to feel comfortable with me, but I NEVER felt comfortable with them. In my mind, I was always one mistake away from losing them forever, I always had to keep winning them over no matter what. I guess that's why these relationships ultimately fizzled, although ironically, I feel like each "failure" improved me somehow.

And, damn it man, being real on a message board is easy. You have a microphone and nobody can interrupt. Hell I feel like I'm on stage right now. But what happens when the lights go out and it's time to go home?

Escalation is a GREAT point. I don't have a clue how to do it. Girls have always initiated that with me, not the other way around. Maybe now you understand why my relationships have been long term ones! What can I say, I grew up in a Christian home where boys were discouraged to do godless, pagan things like feel up girls. The first time my mother found my porn stash, a church elder confronted me instead of her! Lmao. Fuck. I am not comfortable escalating.

Wow, so I am not comfortable in the comfort stage, I'm not comfortable escalating, so basically I am not comfortable in my own skin. That was deep. I'm going to fix that.

One last thing, can you give me an example of having the proper frame when talking about comics?

canibus1990 wrote:lego rocks, i do play with it when am with my nephews

Yay Legos! And nephews!

lol! You're not so bad off man.

Ok, The comic thing. What is it that you REALLY like about comics? What makes you passionate about them? Is it the desire to lose yourself in another world? Is it the creativity behind the creators of the heroes themselves? THAT's what you want to convey.

Girls don't want to hear about Spiderman being really cool, but that Superman could TOTALLY own him in a fight. That's like them talking to you about eyeliner. They can't relate to it. What They CAN relate to is the core of WHY you like the books. Convey that, and you've just successfully reframed your love of comics into something a girl can enjoy and appreciate.

Future is a big comic book "nerd" he's one of the instructors along with Sinn of Love Systems. He claims to be able to get the girls he picks up into "reading sandman and playing video games" so it can be done, it's all in how you frame it.

As to physical escalation, yeah, that's something you'll need to rise up to. Bear in mind, physical escalation is NOT walking up to a stranger and kissing her. That's lecherous and won't get you anywhere (unless she already wants you, and even then...) Physical Escalation runs parallel to talkign and telling stories, It might be like this:

Open>Touch their shoulder
Talking>Playful Push
Talking>Fist bump or High Five
Gambit>Holding her hand to do a palm Reading
Moving her to the bar>Holding her hand or her holding your arm
Talking>Playful Hug
Comfort>Hand Holding
Comfort>Kissing
Date>Kissing More
Date>making out
Seduce>Feeling her up...

You get the idea? It's baby stepping your touches the same way you baby step your verbal interactions. You can do it, and moreover, you have to do it if you want to ever get anywhere with a woman.

*Disclaimer: the outlined steps above are in no means a "step-by-step" to escalation. Take your own course, the above are just a possible course that physical escalation COULD occur.*

check this article about kino escalation

http://www.directnaturalgame.com/Techniques/kino-escalation-ladder.html

This is a useful ideas which you can use.

The reason why you can not talk abbout comics with girls is cause you are talking about the details (Who is better etc) when it would be better to talk about how it makes you feel, what you get out of it emotional

qixsilver wrote: Girls don't want to hear about Spiderman being really cool, but that Superman could TOTALLY own him in a fight. That's like them talking to you about eyeliner. They can't relate to it. What They CAN relate to is the core of WHY you like the books. Convey that, and you've just successfully reframed your love of comics into something a girl can enjoy and appreciate.

this is golden advice.

I found escalation hard, thats why i ended up missing golden opportunities and being firends. But like mystery says, "you got to pull the trigger" otherwise no girl, and if a girl does it she wont respect you.

Get comfortable with yourself first and be among lots of women.

you got to have the frame of mind that she wants it to happen. she will give you windows of opportunities that you got to take, she will give you more chances, but in the end she will think that you are not interested and end up as a friend.

That is why you have to lead and be dominant and take action be aware of what girls actions means. Cuase they communicate through their actions, the body, voice, how they certain things.

I often find I'm more uncomfortable than the girl, aye. I've never been very sure why this is, perhaps I'm just very guarded. But escalation is the main difficulty to me, it doesn't feel natural, I'm very aware of it. I'd like to know what the issue is to try and NLP it away or sumat but I've arrived at nowt concrete.