MyPUAJourney Forum

I am 17 and don't have exerience because of my wrong Idioligy and I had many chances to succeed but everything went wrong I feel angry when I see people get the girls that are uglier than I am pisses me off.I am really attractive and I did have a chance to sleep with someone in 2008 but she was crazy and my house is like living in a cave with technology if it wasn't for that well you know.......... Every girl I liked either I screwed up or they had a boyfriend (they flirted with me anyway) and the real problem is I was uncertain and my parents didn't teach me much at all.When I was younger I had a lot more chances than I do now because I chose to be homeschooled and I have been through tough times and my mind is stronger than most people.I am not ashamed of what I have done I am only ashamed of what I haven't done.Anyway my question is There is this girl I like and she has a boyfriend (I think) When I said I wasn't going to be there (improv comedy club I am an actor) I asked if she wanted to hangout and she said yeah like out of excitement but she lives like 30 minutes away from me or something(that is perfect for me cause until I move out of my parents house I don't want any girl or anybody going to my house)then we exchanged numbers she hugs me a lot which I love.I want to text her today should I take a chance and make her mine (plus the guy is a wimp and she likes me better she implied she wanted to be my girlfriend)I need a lot of help here I need your opinions!

i don't really even know where to start. your story just kinda jumps around until the end when you get some form of a question. according to what you wrote, you're a girl who gets angry when people get girls that are uglier than you when you're taking a piss or something. perhaps the homeschooling wasn't the best idea because you're hard to understand.


alright, alright, i'll quite being such an ass. i'm only screwing with you. i know the point your driving at.

this question comes down to your personal viewpoint. many of us can tell you what we would do, but in the end, you have to decide for yourself. personally i don't attempt to steal a girl away from a guy only because i wouldn't appreciate the same happening to me. however, there's nothing wrong with being a alpha male around her and having her form some attraction toward you. in reality you can't steal a girl from a guy. this isn't the 1800s where women are our property, it comes down to the girl's personal choice.

if she truly likes you more, than just keep being you and let her make up her own mind. i don't feel you should try to convince her. there are plenty of single girls out there. sometimes dealing with the girl's boyfriend can just add extra troubles. i'm not talking about having to fight him or anything, but she dated the guy for a reason. she may still hold feelings for him, or feel bad about leaving him in such a way, etc.

however if you really want this girl and don't respect the guy, just go for it.

i realize that my answer doesn't fully tell you anything and that's because you have to ask yourself this question. don't let yourself get wrapped up in one girl. it comes down to how badly you want her and the level of respect you have for this guy.

I know it sounds bad but I made plans with the girl I like(this friday) and I will ask her out and see what happens.I know she likes me better than her boyfriend and I don't even know if they are still together or not but I can't fail I failed too many times and I can't let it happen.Her Boyfriend or wtf his is, when they are around each other they don't even act like a couple and she flirts with me in front of his face what do you think that means? Oh yeah and she even used an enuendo that she wanted me to be her boyfriend.I am not a girl geeze I'll let you know what happens. PEACE and next time I will ask better question sinstead of general questions!

Nothing wrong with it, you are a free man, go for what's rightfully yours
Shes a big girl, she can make her own desicions. Whatever you feel you want to do, in this case, do it! Nothing bad or wrong about your situation

I agree with rhetoric, it's a matter of personal code. Personally, there are plenty of unattached girls out there. If I find that a girl I'm into really does have a boyfriend (and isn't just screening), then I bail on her. I wouldn't appreciate it if I was in his shoes any other way.

To your other points:

"when they are around each other they don't even act like a couple and she flirts with me in front of his face what do you think that means?"

I think it means you can expect the same from her if you get serious here. Remember, he is her Boyfriend for a reason otherwise she'd dump him. Shit like the above makes me think "Damaged goods" about her.

I'd hang out with her, but that's about it.

The one thing you do say that concerns me is:

"I can't fail I failed too many times and I can't let it happen"

Really? you're pinning your self esteem to this woman? That's a bad idea. Usually when people feel this strongly about something like this, they end up knocking themselves off their pedestals and they get in their own way. She's just a girl man. Pin your self esteem and self love on something that you control vs. something that is so outside influenced and potentially borderline screwed up to begin with. That's not a slam, it's just saying that you're better than you give yourself credit for being (most of us are!) Don't pin your hopes to one interaction. Relax and enjoy the ride.

Personally, if i know she has a b/f. she is a no go. thats just a personal thing. doesnt mean i stop being attractive guy, i just dont game her or escalate with her.

Its all personal, its your own ethics/morals. Neither is right or wrong.

I agree that it is up to her to make her mind up and her choice. But it is something I dont take advantage over.

Qix is right on his points. she is damaged goods. I think she is the type that likes attention, or just wants to test her boyfriend by making him jealous.

IF she is doing this often in front of him and he doesnt react - which is the way to go- then she is damaged, and in the long run aint worth it.

you are coming from a scacity frame when you are pinning your hopes on her. who cares about her she is just one woman. I would say forget her, and approach other girls.

Girls will never make you happy. They can enrich your lives. But you make your own happiness in you life, through your mindset and your actions. She wants to be in for the ride. she doesnt want to be responsible for the happiness, the excitement etc, she wants to follow, so that means you have to lead. Lead by example.

If you are worried by failure, then you will fail again.

one last thing. Dont take girls words as law, what they say and what they mean are two different things. It is better to watch the non verbals, her actions to determine the meanings of her communications.

Just forget her. If you are looking for a means of getting that one girl - that you have fallen for, this forum or any other ideas on pickup will not help you.

Listen I am not puting her on a "Pedistal" look I don't get that many chances because I made stupid decisions.I have only 2 options right now and most I know are couples or ugly as hell so I need you to understand my position.Next year when I go to college I will have tons of opportunities but now all I am look for is for experience(I'd rather have a bad experience than none at all).We may not be on the same page but we will soon.She did it out of Desperation(her boytoy) and now I am ready and just to let you know I am not a nice person anymore and I'd rather hurt someone than get hurt again.I don't do friends with girls anymore it's waste of time because she is only denyig what she really wants from me and you can figure that out.I'm an all or nothing kind of guy(for right not forever) either you can have me in your life or not at all. I am not afraid of anything anymore.I appreciate that you are not patronizing me and not telling me what I want to hear.I know I sound like I have my head in my azz but all I want right now is experience and that's it for now.

Dude, you're selling yourself short if you think you only have 2 options right now. Unless you live in a town that has a population of only 4 people (you, your mom and your 2 options) then you have the whole world of single women available as options.

If you made some bad choices, and it's something that you feel makes everyone who knows you look down upon you, then go where people don't know you. It's a huge world out there.

My caution to you about the girl and your comments of "I can't fail!" are meant for you to consider that if the girl is damaged, then there's a greater chance that you will fail. Or get involved and realize that it's far more fucked than you realized at the outset.

I've dated women in the past who were fucked in the head, and believe me, the only experience that you'll derive from that is bad experience that will harm your chances with a normal woman later. It's like feeling confident because you have all the answers to a test beforehand - but then you learn that all the answers were wrong. That's not experience - that's a mirage.

If you mean sexual experience, realize that what turns on one woman doesn't always turn on the next. A lot of what turns a woman on is mental, as such, getting sexual experience with a damaged woman isn't going to help much either, as it may give you bad information that leaves you scratching your head with the next.

That said, What I'm hearing in your last post is basically "Look, I don't give a fuck about the girl, I just want to get some experience." To which I'd ask how you think that's going to affect her current boyfriend who may really care for her. Breaking that up just for the fuck of it (in essence) is just wrong, and no offense, but if you do decide to do it, then I hope you do fail, for all three of your sakes.

I've taken dude's birds but I only rent them. The beauty of hookin up with taken birds is that they won't hound you for a relationship. The downside is that they could use you against their bf if sumat goes up. Meh. Do what you think is best.

I do care about her It is that I am better than what I have gotten so nothing is going to stop me.I want to to live and Die by opinions NOT BY OPINIONS and you just wait I will Succeed.Damaged?WTF? You don't even know her and I am too sexy that is why girls flirt with me no matter their situation.I could have more options but I just to find them and take them.What credibility do I have to do Everything myself and all my friends live far away from me and sometimes it is hard to do.Any Advice?I can't drive and can walk 4 miles from my house.I could go to the mall but when I go no one is there.I have failed a lot because I was uncertain and wasn't asertive enough to get what I wanted and I have learned a lot from all my mistakes so I am mentally and phyiscally strong.I have to rely on myself to get things done nothing will fall out of the sky and into my lap.I don't need you to chastise me for what I am going to do either support me or help me.You are confusing the crap out of me brcause if you hook up with someone in the bar that has a boyfriend is ok but if I try to take someone whom is attracted to me and that isn't ok to do that is Contradiction explain that to me.

I do care about her It is that I am better than what I have gotten so nothing is going to stop me.I want to to live and Die by opinions NOT BY OPINIONS

What does that mean, it is confusing.

The girl wiht b/f thing. In my opinion, if i know she has b/f then i dont bother, i still will approach and have a conversation, but wont escalate. just being social. If a girl i meet in a bar is with guys or girls or who ever, and i am not certain that she has b/f i will still approach - then find out whether she is taken or if she is with some one. In general i dont approach at night.

If during the day, girls are alone, she will naturaly blow off my attempts. so i move on. she may use it as a test. I generally find out whether it is a real b.f, when getting the number or phoning her or on the first date. Then i just leave her if she has b/f or become her friend.

You say the mall is empty - go there at the right times. During the holidays, etc

I think you have high standards and if she doesnt meet those standards immediately then you dont bother approaching her or she her as someone you are attracted to. i used to do this too. Now anyone that sparks my interest i approach - whether some physical or personality or item that intrigues me. Then i find out whether she is what i want in my life. I do this slow pace, let things occur naturally. I find out first if she is fun and interesting, then move on from there. if she hits any red flags or the chemistry is lost i stop seeing her .

She did it out of Desperation(her boytoy) and now I am ready and just to let you know I am not a nice person anymore and I'd rather hurt someone than get hurt again

That is some really weird stuff to be saying. It sounds that you have been hurt in the past, by girls not accepting you or going dates, or even cheating on you or using you. Sounds like there is a lot of anger there, resentment.

If you want experience, why go for one particular girl, why not approach lots of them. If you want experience with sex, hire a prostitute.

The best way to learn is through experience and the mistakes you make.

IT seems to me you have made your mind up whether you want to go out with this girl. yet you ask if it is right. You want some justification. Why? maybe you feel guilty about some how. i dont know.

so just do want you want.

if you want advice: Talk to her alone, in person, have good conversation, make her laugh, lead, then tell her you going to the mall to buy a shirt and she can tag along to help you pick one. Or you could say am going for a coffee, you should come.

then learn from the following interaction at the next location. is saying always going on about her b/f? is she talking about you? is she comfortable with you? Does she accept you touch - social touch (on arm)?

As usual, I agree with Canibus.

But since you asked for some verification, I'll be blunt - pre-amble: no offense intended, I'm just being clinical...

Chameleon wrote:"Damaged?WTF? You don't even know her and I am too sexy that is why girls flirt with me no matter their situation."

You're correct, I don't know her.

What I do know about her is that she has a boyfriend, yet she seeks validation and approval in an emotional/relational sense from an outside source (you), when she should be seeking that from either herself, or the person she claims to be in a relationship with.

What I do know about her is that she has enough of a lack of respect for other people (specifically her boyfriend - which implies commitment and that she actually cares (or thinks she does) for this person) to openly disrespect them in front of their face.

What I do know about her is that she has done the above on multiple occasions - which leads me to believe that she is not doing this because of a state of mind she's in (drunk, stoned, horny etc) but because she believes this to be an acceptable behavior to either seek validation, or punish her boyfriend.

The above are all conclusions drawn from your posts, so their either accurate, or you're being dishonest (which I doubt since you're posting here for advice). Based on the above, I feel confident to surmise that she has self confidence issues, seeks outside approval/validation for her happiness and has a general disrespect for those she's in a relationship with.

That spells damaged in my dictionary.

Your post seems a little disjointed, I'm not sure if it's because you're just in a hurry, or if you're trying to sell us/yourself a version of you that you may not be accurate. You state that you're "too sexy" and that's why girls flirt with you, but you also claim that you have "no experience" and that you only have "2 options" available to you, so I'm not sure where the truth lay. If girls can't help but flirt with you because you're sexy, then I'd think you have plenty of experience - at least in the social interaction realm, and as such, plenty of options, so this one girl wouldn't even be a blip on your radar.

I think Canibus is right about the mall, it's not empty man, if it was it would go out of business. Try a different time - Saturdays usually see a spike in business.

Chameleon wrote:"I don't need you to chastise me for what I am going to do, either support me, or help me."

I'm sorry, I thought the title of this thread was "Is stealing someone's girlfriend bad?" By that title, I felt more than justified to tell you that I thought it was wrong to do so knowingly. As a bonus, I felt compelled to back up my reasoning so that it might be more helpful/clear. As to "Why is it ok to do so in bars?" I thought I was fairly clear that I bail on a girl if I find out that she has a boyfriend. I don't care if it's in a bar, in a cafe or at the circus, I'm worth a better class of woman than one who will toss aside her commitments just to hook up with a random hot stranger. I tried to imply that you might be in that same category. It's one thing to meet a woman and pick her up and then learn that she has a boyfriend (at which point I will bail anyway) it's another to knowingly pick her up in spite of that commitment.

Some don't have a problem with this, I do. Whether you plan to just sleep with someone, or make them a part of your life, her willingness to be with you and disregard her commitment says a lot about her. I choose to not allow people like that to remain in my life as relationship/sex options.

As Canibus said - and I paraphrase - You posted as if you wanted advice, but it seems what you really want is a cheerleading section to tell you to go bang her and to hell with her relationship. If that's all you want, then by all means, I'll stop offering advice, but if you want rationale and advice that might help you learn something of value, keep you from getting involved with someone who might be dysfunctional in some capacity (I'll concede that she may not be damaged and it just appears that way, but why take chances?) then I suggest you listen and put aside the fact that you might or might not be able to hook up with this woman.

I've been around/with enough women to realize that there are always more options. The fact that you see this woman as your only option is what made me "worry" about you placing so much emphasis on the success of this outcome. Do as you will, experience and time will hopefully teach you what I'm trying to explain if my words didn't offer what you needed.

If I know the guy then I won't go there. If I don't, she's fair game. As others have said she acn make her own decisions, but if she cheats on her boyfriend to be with you then there's every chance she'll do the same to you.